


No Es Justo

by goldengrethan



Category: Cody Ko - Fandom, Noel Miller - Fandom, Tiny Meat Gang (Band), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Aleena come get ya boy he's scarin the hoes, Angst, Cheating, Cody is a weak ass bitch ngl, Gay Sex, M/M, Manipulation, Noel is high key a fuck boy in this, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, bottom!cody, dick pics!, dom/sub elements, its just weed don't worry, mans got a lot of shit to unpack, my fave sugar gays, porn with more plot than you asked for, text fic, top!Noel, unhealthy sexual relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-01-16 19:17:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldengrethan/pseuds/goldengrethan
Summary: Noel was always good at that. He was good at picking up on cues and making you happy in your own special way. Maybe that’s why Cody had never been able to get rid of his feelings. Noel made sure the love he gave was the best love you’d ever get.





	1. Running Out of Time

**Author's Note:**

> First TMG fic!
> 
> Inspired by this podcast, where Cody mentions around the 33 minute mark that sometimes he gets the weirdest texts from Noel in the middle of the night. 
> 
> Love these two to death, love their whole thing, I'm so gay for guys just bein dudes.
> 
> Fic title courtesy of J Balvin, chapter title courtesy of Tyler, the Creator.

Texts from Noel at nearly two in the morning didn’t come often. He’d be surprised to catch Noel up past eleven most days. Getting any sort of interaction from him this late could only mean a few things. 

One, Insomnia. Poor kid stays up all night, anxious about fuck all.

Two, he’s drunk. Possibly high out of his mind, thinking too much and needing his best friend to bring him down.

Or three, Noel’s feeling some type of way. 

That last explanation didn’t come often. Not much anymore, at least.

They hung out everyday, basically, whether it was filming, recording the podcast, throwing some bars down for Spock, there was never more than a couple hours a day that they weren’t together, up until they had to sleep, of course. That’s why Noel’s message confused him for a moment.

**2:14 AM  
**Noel:** **_ I miss you. _

Cody reads the text over and over. He tries to convince himself that it’s just because he was woken up seconds ago by his phone’s text tone and he’s still struggling to formulate a thought, not because he’s trying to find some deeper meaning in it, not at all. 

**2:27 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ I know it’s different now man. Hear me out _. 

Noel had to be kidding, right? Why was he doing this? Was Aleena even home?

Cody knows Noel can see he’s read his texts.

**2:29 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Just miss it. I miss us. _

Cody has to put his phone down and will himself not to fuckin’ scream right now. He doesn’t need Kelsey asking questions, anyway.

He could admit, when they ended things, whatever kind of ‘thing’ they ever had, it wasn’t on the best terms. It had been messy and weird and came with too much interrogation from both Kelsey and Aleena. Cody always explained it like this: rock bottom. Somehow, they’d reached rock bottom at similar times, emotionally, and that created the rift. That was the story for their girlfriends. 

Truth of the matter was, it was so much more than that. It was long nights ‘filming’, it was sweet texts deleted the morning after, it was pants shoved down midthigh and quickies in the podcast room. It was dirty and it was hot and it was _ good _. So, so good. 

Good until Noel, the chicken shit he was, blew up at Cody, told him all these things he clearly hadn’t meant, something about ruining each other’s lives with this, how he most definitely was not gay, how Aleena was on to them, what fucking ever. Cody wasn’t stupid. He knows how Noel gets when even the slightest bit of uncertainty settles into any aspect of his life. 

He freaks out. He undoes all the work Cody did to open him up and see what went on in his head, puts his walls back up and expects Cody to somehow be okay with being dumped.

‘Dumped’ might be a little strong, though. They weren’t dating, they weren’t together. It sure as hell felt like it was more than just sporadic blowjobs and kisses shared between filming. It was so real, Noel had Cody wrapped all the way around his finger, and he knew that well. 

Cody never felt like he got closure. He knew it had gotten too serious. Feelings had gotten too real and anxiety got the best of them, Noel fucked up a good thing with a few words. And to think, Cody had almost convinced himself at that point to tell Kelsey. They hadn’t even been dating that long, anyway, it wouldn’t have hurt to be with Noel, to call him his and not have to worry about hiding. 

That was two years ago. Cody got over it, mostly. They were friends again. _ Best _ friends. It was chill, nothing had happened since and he thought nothing would ever happen again. Cody still caught himself looking at Noel like he was his world sometimes, like there was nothing brighter than those borderline hazel eyes, staring right back at him and smiling, asking him what was up with that rich, mahogany voice. 

Cody suddenly remembers it’s nearing 3 in the morning and he hasn’t responded to Noel at all. He shouldn’t. That is the worst thing he could ever do. He tries to feel the heat of Kelsey’s sleeping form beside him, but she’s too far away, facing away from him and snoring softly on her side of the bed. 

**2:58 AM**  
**Cody: ** _ Go to sleep. _

Cody types it back quick. Hits send and swears he won’t be picking his phone up again for the rest of the night. He doesn’t have anything else to say to Noel right now. It’s too much to rehash when it was this late.

**2:58 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Can’t. _

It's like Noel had been sitting and diligently waiting for a response the whole time. Would it make Cody a pussy if he cried? He kind of felt like crying. Noel tended to make him feel things pretty intensely. 

Cody spends a long time hovering his thumbs over the keyboard on his phone trying to figure out something to say. There’s so much he can say that would absolutely ruin both of them. Again. Maybe he was already ruined. Maybe that’s why these last two years with Kelsey had felt like autopilot. 

**3:13 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Sometimes I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened. _

**Noel: ** _ Think about it a lot. _

**3:20 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Think about you too much. _

**3:23 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ You make it hard to exist sometimes. In the best way. _

Cody had to physically remove himself from the bed and lock himself in the bathroom. He was breathing uneven, sat on the cold tile, fingers running through his hair, shaking just a little bit. Noel was so selfish. Cody couldn’t wrap his head around how he got off texting him like Cody was some side piece he could drop and pick up whenever he felt like. 

They hadn’t addressed any of it in years, and now Noel wants Cody to know he _ misses him _? 

**3:30 AM**  
**Cody: ** _ Fuck you. _

There’s something inside Cody that knew it would never get better. Leaving something like that unresolved, for this long, was the first mistake they had made. Now, instead of approaching this like an adult, Cody could feel his stomach do flips and his nerves start to boil over. Worst of all, he could feel that warmth. That sweet, familiar warmth that he used to never stop feeling when he was with Noel, a feeling that he hadn’t felt once with Kelsey. How could his own body betray him like that? He was supposed to hate Noel for this, not want him more than ever. 

**3:32 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Don’t be like that. _

Cody watched the typing bubbles appear and turn into the message, pressing the heel of his palm into his eyes to try and rub some of the sleep out of them. Funny how it only took a few texts to get them right back to square one, as if nothing had happened at all. 

**3:34 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ I need to see you. _

**3:34 AM**  
**Cody: ** _ Huh?? _

**Cody: ** _ For what? So you can fuck me and tell me it was a bad idea afterwards? _

**Cody:** _I’m good dawg_

Although Cody was angry, trying his best to convey that over text, the premise of going to see Noel right now, no matter how much time had passed, made him ache.

There were nights where Cody could do nothing to satisfy himself; no amount of fingers could compare to what Noel gave him, to what it felt like for someone to fuck him so deeply he could feel it in his guts, then in his chest, and inevitably squeezing his heart for all it was worth. It was enticing, Noel offering to make him feel _ something _ again. Cody could admit that. 

**3:41 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ You miss it _

**Noel:** _ I know you do _

The fuck? Sometimes Cody forgot that they were best friends, that despite everything, they knew each other best, and Noel was always good at that. He was good at picking up on cues and making you happy in your own special way. Maybe that’s why Cody had never been able to get rid of his feelings. Noel made sure the love he gave was the best love you’d ever get. 

**3:45 AM **  
**Noel: ** _ You still get me so hard _

**Noel: ** _ Been thinking about your mouth a lot, you were always so good with it. _

Something inside of Cody makes itself known, something awful, something like lust and burning need, something like his dick twitching in his joggers and making it hard to even think properly, with all his blood traveling South. 

**3:46 AM**  
**Cody: ** _ You’re sick. _

**3:46 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ Maybe I am _

**Noel: ** _ Come and do something about it baby _

**3:47 AM**  
**Noel: ** _ [image attachment] _

Oh.

Cody already knew it was too late. He should’ve never responded in the first place. 

This was the cherry on top. Noel looked painfully hard, veins bulging on his shaft and head glistening, beckoning him to go and do just that, to go and do something about it. Cody set his phone down beside him and let his head rest against the door, staring up at the ceiling as he contemplated all of it. 

Was he really this kind of guy? A weak, guiltless cheater? Crawling back to the one man who’d fucked him up good, emotionally and physically? 

The answer was simple. It had always been _ this _ simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two coming soon!
> 
> Comments make me horny 😙


	2. A Boy Is A Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You couldn’t live without it.” He murmured, fingers gripping hard at his hips while he sunk down into his lap. “Without me.” Noel smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, extra long chapter for y'all! 
> 
> Wasn't intending for there to be more than two parts but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I hope it's not too long winded! Lemme know what you think!
> 
> Chapter title again from my boy Tyler!

Talk is cheap. It’s the only thing Cody has to remind him that what he was doing had some semblance of logic behind it. Texting was one thing, filling his head with meaningless fantasies and sending him dick pics was another. It definitely wasn’t the worst idea he’d ever had, driving over to Noel’s at four in the morning to do God knows what. Maybe scream at him. Yeah, that would be nice. It would be nice if he could throw in a few punches, too. 

He pulls up and his legs have suddenly carried him all the way to Noel’s door, knocks on it a few times and doesn’t particularly care if Aleena is there or not. Why else would Noel be texting him if she was? He never cared what anyone saw or thought to begin with. That had been their ultimate downfall. Noel wasn’t ready to dive in like Cody was. Still, he couldn’t find it in himself to want to preserve any amount of his dignity, especially after already driving all the way over here. 

He almost waits too long before the door is answered. Cody immediately wishes he hadn’t come. Noel is standing before him, looking too smug for Cody’s liking, wearing a white shirt that clung to him just right and some grey sweats that left nothing to the imagination. He always looks so good, even with some stupid sweats on. 

“You got a lot of nerve.” Cody starts. He should’ve done this over text. He’s never been good with face-to-face confrontation like this. As soon as he laid eyes on Noel all his walls came down, all his initial plans from earlier about wanting to beat the shit out of him were replaced with thoughts of getting to kiss and touch him again, much more desirable than bruised knuckles. 

Noel looks all too pleased with himself, hands stuffed in his pockets as he leaned against the door frame and just stared. So unfazed. Cody still kind of wanted to punch him around a bit for it, until his curiosity got the best of him and he looked down to see the hard curve of Noel’s cock in the loose pants, still untouched, still waiting. 

“I do?” Noel asks, like it was an unbelievable statement. “You’re at  _ my _ door, pretty boy.” 

Cody is seething. He doesn’t know why, though. The lust in his brain is mixing with the anger in the worst way. The way Noel’s lips curl around the words,  _ pretty boy _ , make Cody want to drop to his knees right then. “You can’t just text me in the middle of the night to tell me you want me. Not after this long.” Cody says, after regaining some of his composure, though not much. “You know how I felt about you, asshole. Now you just want me because Aleena’s not here to get your dick wet?” He spat, disgusted by the almost practiced way Noel maintained his poker face. 

Noel stares some more. Takes note of how cute Cody was when he was angry, wonders if he’ll get to see that under him tonight. “Nah, man. It’s not like that.” Noel started, giving him some sort of attempt at an apologetic look. “It was more than that. It still is.” He said simply. 

“No.” Cody said simply. “Not to you. You never wanted me.” Cody said, voice bitter, quivering just the slightest.

“Not true.” Noel responded easily.

More silence. Cody speaks, and it’s probably the most damning thing he could’ve said. But he didn’t care. He’d come all the way over here, not to talk. He came to forget their issues and let Noel have his way, like their dynamic usually dictated. Noel took the lead and Cody dumbly followed. He came over here to scrape up any ounce of Noel’s physical attention he could get, because maybe he hadn’t gotten over what happened at all. Maybe he loved Noel and wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of his fucking life, even after all the heartbreak.

“Prove it then.”

Cody is a lot weaker than he’d ever admit. He was a simple man, a man of pleasure, he liked to indulge, even in the things that weren’t healthy at all,  _ especially  _ in things as sweet as Noel.

Maybe it’s more the fact that he hadn’t been properly fucked by anyone in years that makes him extra sensitive. It just might be the fact that its Noel. Noel, the one person he’d ever truly loved, the one person who could make him yield to anything he said and knew his way around his body like no one else’s business.

Cody’s challenge had set Noel off, the older man lifting Cody up into his arms and kissing him as soon as Cody latched on. It was hot and rushed and felt so, so dirty, Cody knowing fully how bad this was. He couldn’t really find it in himself to  _ care _ . Something felt incredibly right about the way Noel kissed him, like he was hungry for it, like he still knew exactly how to curl his tongue around his to make Cody absolutely melt, and he definitely did.

It was a whirlwind for both of them, Cody not checking back into reality until he felt himself being lowered onto a bed, his skin prickling at the familiarity of it. It was like no time had passed at all between now and the last time he was here, getting drilled into this very bed. He could smell the strange, faint smell of both Noel and Aleena’s perfumes mixing together, making him feel even guiltier and a little harder, too. He had to be the worst human on earth. 

Noel was taking his time, probably because he hadn’t touched Cody in so long. His lips dragged along his neck and left marks in places that he should’ve never approached. But, it was too good not to. He sucked on a particular sensitive spot that he remembered Cody had, eliciting an angelic little noise from the blonde, whose fingers were digging into his shoulder and definitely leaving marks of their own. 

“I already have you hard, baby boy?” Noel asked, a deep chuckle rumbling from his chest as he looked down at the pathetic, straining tent in Cody’s joggers. “Still just as easy as before, huh?” he purred. 

Cody’s immediate instinct was to quip something back, insult him too in some way, but his mind was blank, full of  _ Noel _ , only able to turn his head away in embarrassment, closing his eyes so he could focus on catching his breath. 

Noel took the opportunity to kiss along his neck again and get his fingers under his shirt, feeling the warm skin on his tummy, rubbing his thumb over that birthmark Cody had just above his waistline. “Off.” Noel said simply, pulling away and watching as Cody obediently sat up and pulled the shirt off, leaning in to kiss him again, slower this time. 

Noel sincerely had missed Cody. Yeah, things had ended in a way that was less than desirable, and it had been mostly his fault, but he’d realized a couple things in the time between then and now. One, was that he clearly was not straight. Maybe not gay, and maybe he didn’t have attraction towards any man other than Cody, but he knew that much. Second, was that he didn’t feel right, leaving it off where they had. He did think about it a lot, what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been such a pussy and just broke it off with Aleena. He likes to think it would’ve worked, that they’d be doing their thing, doing stand up and filming to their heart’s content, “in love”, or whatever the fuck. He tries to convince himself constantly that this had been the better choice. Obviously, there were some holes in that logic, considering he was about to be up in Cody’s guts momentarily. 

Noel was trying to show Cody that exact sentiment, slowly opening up and showing him the true regret he felt, when Cody pushed forcefully at his chest and made him pull away, making him furrow his brows in confusion.

“Enough of the sap shit.” Came Cody’s voice, sounding so sure, annoyed and nervous all at once. “You gonna fuck me or what?”

Noel was honestly surprised by that. Never once had he witnessed Cody actually take charge of something like this, usually always letting him take the reigns. But, if Cody insisted, he would fuck him until he couldn’t remember his own name. “Where’s the fire, dude?” Noel scoffed softly, already starting to strip out of his clothes. “Thought you wanted me to make love to you or something, you’re into that kind of corny shit.” Noel teased.

“Not right now.” Cody said as he watched Noel push the sweats down along with his boxers, his own legs instinctively spreading as he worked to get his pants off too. “Fuck me like you mean it. I don’t want to get into all that right now.” he muttered, completely naked now under Noel.

“Damn, you’re bossier than I remember.” Noel hummed, going to stroke his own cock as he watched the man below him for a moment. Noel always thought Cody was beautiful, in so many ways. He could feel his guilt and regret in the back of his throat as he stared, swallowing it back before it got too bad and he said something he regretted even more. 

“You haven’t fucked me in two years,” Cody scoffed, already reaching over into the nightstand to see if they kept lube there, thankful to find a small bottle. He looked down at Noel’s cock once he settled again, feeling himself get filled with some sort of strange, virginal nerves, as if he hadn’t taken him hundreds of times before. “How did I ever fit that inside of me?” He sighed and reached down to replace Noel’s hand with his own, his hand struggling to wrap around the girth, exactly as he’d remembered. It made him flush all over, just trying to remember how it felt to fit  _ all of that _ inside him. 

“I got you, baby. Just relax.” Noel smiled, the kind of grin that drove girls and boys insane, the kind that made Cody want to throw everything away just to be able to see it more often, topping it off by biting that plump bottom lip. 

Cody barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the smooth talk, though. That was the exact smirk that had reeled him in initially and fucked up his life for good.

It wasn’t long at all before Noel had a few fingers inside Cody, scissoring them in and out of him, stretching him open enough for him to slide in. Noel could listen to the incredible noises Cody made all day. Noel really couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to get Cody under him again, because he was sure there was nothing he loved more than having him at his mercy, fluttering around his fingers and moaning like a little bitch.

Cody surprised him again by flipping them over, his hands on Noel’s toned chest so he could steady himself, having grown much too impatient.

“Wow, you’re willingly riding me? It’s about time, you lazy fuck.” Noel smirked, laughing softly when Cody shot daggers at him with his gaze. 

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll leave you here with a boner and never speak to you again.” Cody huffed. Meaningless threats. 

“Yeah, right.” Noel tisked. He was momentarily distracted while watching Cody pour more lube on him and line him up with his entrance. Cody could probably feel how his dick pulsed in anticipation. “You couldn’t live without it.” He murmured, fingers gripping hard at his hips while he sunk down into his lap. “Without me.” Noel smirked. 

Cody felt like there was no way he could flush anymore than he already did, but Noel always found new ways to fluster him. It was true. He would not have been able to live his life without Noel by his side. Settling for them just being friends and never touching Noel again sounded a million times more appealing than not having him at all. 

And, wow, Cody sounded so pathetic right now. Why was it that Noel made him so awestruck and borderline insane for his love? Cody didn’t think he would ever get an answer. 

“God- Shut  _ up _ .” Cody let out shakily. His eyes were closed in concentration while he seated himself on top of Noel’s thighs, trying not to make any embarrassing sounds and failing miserably. Cody tested the waters by moving his hips back and forth slowly, breathing harshly because holy fuck, he had barely moved and Noel’s head was already pressing firmly on that bundle of nerves inside of him. Cody wondered if he could come more than once, because judging by how turned on he was, there was no way he’d be able to hold himself back for long. 

Noel did shut up, for the time being, in favor of watching Cody move carefully on top of him, his eyes trained on his face. He could tell he was struggling. He could tell Cody was being slow because he wanted it to last. “What’s wrong, baby boy? Feels too good? Gonna come all over yourself already?” Noel teased and his hands went back to grip both of Cody’s ass cheeks, spreading him apart even more so he could thrust up into him a bit. 

Cody gasped when suddenly Noel took back the little control he’d managed to snag, whining with every thrust of Noel’s hips and letting his head droop, concentrating his hardest on not coming. “Y-Yeah, I am.” He admitted, a bit shamefully. He couldn’t believe how easy it was to fall right back into the roll of being Noel’s submissive, obedient and pliant no matter how embarrassing this actually was. To prove to Noel that he wasn’t as weak as he once was, Cody took a little more initiative in how he moved his hips, raising himself up and down on his cock steadily and moaning with every intake of him. “Forgot how big you were, feel like you’re gonna break me in half,” he said, breathy and uneven, playing up his coyness and innocence. He knew Noel was into that type of shit. 

Noel smiled and let out a groan of his own, his head falling back on the pillows momentarily so he could gather himself again. Cody knew him to a tee and always knew exactly what to do and say to get him going. “Yeah? I fit inside you just right, though, don’t I?” He purred.

Cody was too busy moving his hips just so to respond, nodding his head compliantly and grinding in little figure eights to try and prolong his release. 

“Come on, dude, give me something, I know you love dirty talk.” Noel teased.

“You have your fuckin’ dick inside of me, don’t call me dude,” Cody snapped back half-heartedly, half whimper and half moan, deciding to lean down on his elbows so he could kiss Noel, hoping maybe shoving his tongue down his throat would shut him up for once. 

Of course, it didn’t. Noel always had to have the last word. 

“Aw, sorry, hon. How about sweetheart? My love? Princess? Take your pick.” Noel chuckled and kissed him deep again, joking and meaning it all the same, going to steady Cody’s hips with his hands so he could thrust right back up into him. 

The new angle and force of the thrusts made Cody whine against Noel’s mouth in appreciation. God, he really did talk a lot of shit, didn’t he? Noel knew exactly what he was doing with the pet names, knew that it would tear right in Cody’s soft spot for him and make him weak, all over Noel calling him  _ his love.  _

“You don’t mean it.” Cody breathed harshly, grabbing both of Noel’s wrists and pushing them off, giving him back what little control he had. “You never did. You just love having someone on top of you, huh? This is what you wanted, isn’t it? You want me back because you’re bored with Aleena again?” Cody said, his tone almost sarcastic as he asked each rhetorical question and his hips moving faster and faster, barely able to refrain from moaning outright while he tried to convey how fucked up this all was, that he had even gotten any farther than texting him back. 

Noel’s smile fell a bit. It wasn’t true, whatever conclusion Cody had come to. It was so far from the truth, and Noel just hadn’t gotten to the part where he admitted that, still very nervous about how it would change everything. He felt his chest ache as he watched, seeing Cody still chasing his orgasm despite hating his guts. 

“That’s-That’s not true,” Noel groaned, gripping fistfuls of the sheets under him so he wouldn’t touch Cody, sensing that excessive touch would probably set Cody off, in the worst way. 

“Just fuck me, Noel.” Cody cut him off, saying it kind of numbly, having already accepted that he would always be Noel’s plaything, and he’d always gladly oblige to whatever he wanted. Because that’s what love was, wasn’t it? Making irreparable sacrifices and subjecting yourself to the awful ache of longing, forever? At least, that’s what it fuckin’ felt like. 

Noel doesn’t know what the hell to do for a couple minutes, not sure how to react to something so horrible coming out of Cody’s mouth. What started off simply as fooling around, letting off some steam after particularly hard days over two years ago, had expanded to something completely out of his scope of understanding and emotion. He’d been in love before, that wasn’t the issue. It was more how intensely he felt it and how much it all hurt, how much  _ he  _ hurt the person he loved. He was starting to understand everything now a little more. There was Aleena and there was Cody. He loved Aleena to death, he was sure he always would, in a sick kind of way. She was the only reason he was still alive, in all honesty, and he would always love her for being his rock.

But then there was Cody. 

Cody did something for him he had never experienced before, something like pure passion and unhinged emotion of all kinds. It wasn’t just about the sex, he was starting to realize it never was. Cody was his soulmate. Everything they did, whether it was Noel bending him over a counter or Cody showing him some stupid tweet he’d found because he knew he would laugh at it, it was all electric. It all felt so right. Everyone else was just filling the void for when they weren’t together, which was rare these days. 

“I love you.” Noel said it simply, before he grabbed Cody’s hips again and flipped him over, pressing him down into the bed and surrounding him completely, staring down at him with a troubled look on his face. 

Cody’s eyes were wide, filled with tears that had been on the verge of spilling down his cheeks since he got here. He didn’t know what to believe. He couldn’t tell if Noel was just doing that  _ thing _ he does, saying what you want to hear so you wouldn’t keep nagging or complaining. Even if that’s what it was, Cody didn’t care. Maybe he should start, he thought absentmindedly, knowing he couldn’t live his life forever leading with his heart. 

Cody reached up to cup Noel’s face and sniffled softly, bringing him down press their lips together. DIfferent, but good. Charged, sweet, genuine. Cody moved to wrap his arms fully around Noel’s neck because he couldn’t have it end, not yet. 

It was that easy. It was all Noel had to say and Cody was his.

Noel took that as his cue to grip the backs of Cody’s thighs and push them forward, hips snapping back and forth against him to start his rhythm back up. He felt it too, like they connected even deeper somehow as soon as Cody kissed him. 

Cody let go from then on, moaning uncontrollably with every jab to his prostate, mewling and whining and calling out Noel’s name over and over, professing his love like the man on top of him would forget if he didn’t keep saying it. 

Cody came easily, spurting several ropes up his tummy and chest, arching up into Noel and letting his mouth hang open in a silent moan. Noel fucked him all through his orgasm, and only took a few more thrusts himself before he was filling Cody to the brim, groaning against his lips.

Fuck. 

It was bad, and it was so good, and it was going to mess with every aspect of their lives. 

How could either of them care when the aftermath was so blissful? Every damn time.

They’d deal with it in a minute. Or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third part will probably be significantly shorter, but I also have no self control so it also might be another 3500 words :')
> 
> Lemme know about my pacing, the story, do y'all like it? Is it too much? How do you think my characterization of them is? I'm always open to criticism!
> 
> Leave a kudos if I did alright :-)
> 
> 💖💖💖


	3. Love Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m willing to drop everything for you. Everything.” He reiterated softly, poking a finger into Noel’s chest firmly. “If you can't do the same, then we’re done. In every possible way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup chodesters!
> 
> Get ready to feel some pain!
> 
> This update was supposed to be an exercise in self-control but alas, here we are 3300 words later 😔
> 
> I updated a couple tags so make sure you read those!
> 
> Title brought to you by Brandy and Daniel Ceasar's Love Again, which I highly recommend you listen to! It gave me a lot of inspo for this chapter!

Cody hasn’t moved from his spot on the bed since he woke up. There’s a bittersweet ache in his lower back and between his thighs that has mostly been the reason for him staying in place. It’s also the warm body pressed up against him and the arms wrapped around his middle keeping him close. It’s the incredible, unbelievable fact that it’s Noel holding him like this. 

Cody feels sick just thinking about it. It’s so cheesy, it’s so wrong, it’s straight up stupid, because they’re still in Noel and Aleena’s bed and Cody still has no clue where she even is or when she’ll be back. Still, he feels strangely calm about it. He was sure someone could break into the apartment right now and he’d be content to stay in Noel’s arms while it happened. 

Cody feels his chest tighten and his heart rate speed up just replaying it over and over in his head, the way it sounded for Noel to say ‘I love you’. There's something that cuts through the euphoria of it, probably his common sense chiming in. He loves this, loves Noel, but he still doesn’t feel great about their situation.

He’s been up for a couple hours already, thinking. Every time Kelsey or Aleena crosses his mind he feels like he’s going to puke. He always thought if Noel ever took him back and said exactly what he wanted to hear, he’d be over the moon about it, but the whole experience has had the opposite effect. Cody just felt a strange sadness, and guilt, and like he should’ve probably left this bed by now. 

Cody’s getting anxious, so he turns over slowly in Noel’s arms and it stirs the older man awake, just barely. Cody watches him slowly open his eyes and settle back into place. The thought hits him again. He’s with Noel, wrapped in his warmth. It’s truly everything he’d ever wanted. Why does he almost feel regretful? 

“Morning.” Came a deep, rumbling voice, vibrating against Cody’s cheek where he’d pressed it against Noel’s chest. 

“Morning.” Cody repeated back, feeling slightly insecure at how unmanly his voice sounded, raised at least two octaves and sounding raspy, probably as a result from all the noise he made the night before. “Sorry to wake you.” He said, suddenly feeling shy, so glad his face was tucked below Noel’s chin, so he couldn’t see the look on his face. 

Noel doesn’t respond, just adjusts his arms around him and starts drawing invisible patterns on Cody’s back. It easily clears his mind of any jitters he was feeling before, gives him something else to focus on to calm himself down. 

________

After Cody leaves, he feels a lot of things. 

He feels simultaneously like he’s walking on air and like he’s burning from the inside out. He just knows he won’t be able to hold it together for much longer. 

He gets back home at one in the afternoon, to a very worried Kelsey, who hadn’t known where he’d been for the last ten hours. Cody’s excuse was that Spock and Noel had been hanging back late in the studio and wanted him to come help finish a couple things for the music they’d been working on. Cody wasn’t sure how convincing he’d really been while telling her the bullshit excuse, but it had to work for now, while Cody tried to figure out what he was going to do with himself.

The awful thing about all of it, was that he was slowly losing any sort of drive to put up a facade, not again. If he and Noel were going to do this, it was either going to be all or nothing, he decided. 

When Cody left, Noel was left in a half-empty bed, silently longing for Cody to be back next to him, on him, kissing him. He contemplated texting him again, just to be clingy, not necessarily to invite him back over. Noel decided he’d think about Aleena later. Nothing was set in stone, anyway, but the carving had started. 

The next time they see each other it’s a few days later and they’re setting up for the podcast. Cody’s fiddling with the camera to try and get it into focus with his back turned to Noel. Definitely a bad idea to have his guard down when all Noel had wanted was to be close again. 

Of course, Noel was never one to beat around the bush, so he found himself standing right behind the blonde, arms wrapping around his waist and nose nudging against his neck, smelling the woody cologne Cody had probably sprayed on himself before coming. It was a new smell, Noel realized, and he felt some strange kind of pride in the fact that Cody must’ve put it on just for him. 

Cody jumps a bit at first but easily relaxes into Noel’s embrace. It’s astonishing, how Cody can be actively drowning in his thoughts _ because _ of Noel and all that needed to be done to clear his head was for Noel to do something as simple as hug him like _ this_, like they’re together, or some shit. 

“You smell so good, baby boy.” Noel was first to speak, lazy drawl on full display, directly next to Cody’s ear. “Smells different. Is that just for me?”

Cody shivered against him because, fuck, he loves the bass in Noel’s voice, loves how it rattles his core and leaves him wanting Noel to just talk his ear off. Cody nods and closes his eyes, lets his hands drop from the camera to lay over Noel’s. He’s so very screwed. “What other pet names do you have for me, huh?” He smiled a little and turned in Noel’s arms, loosely wrapping his arms around Noel’s neck and leaving only a few inches between them. 

“Anything you want, sugarplum.” Noel responded, feigning sweetness but ultimately sounding sarcastic, which made Cody laugh. 

Cody looked up at him in silence for a moment, one of his hands traveling up the nape of his neck to let his fingertips rub over the short hair there, leaning up to kiss him slowly. The back and forth in Cody’s head, the constant repetition of _ I love him I love him I love him_, coupled with his conscience inwardly shaming him for indulging in Noel, was getting to be a little much. Cody went to push at his chest gently so Noel would pull away, smiling softly still. “Behave. Spock should be here soon.” He murmured, leaving so much that he had yet to say. He couldn’t muster up his courage enough to say any of it. 

________

Cody is reluctant to do anything with Noel that isn’t work related these days. 

There’s something in him that knows if they aren’t focusing on a deadline or some other random responsibility they usually had, they default to the physical stuff, to kissing or cuddling or sitting too close, or having a couple beers and having quickies in the worst places, at the worst times.

That’s why he was hesitant to agree to come over to Noel’s to smoke. Cody wasn’t planning on doing anything but that, maybe watching a movie or two and then crashing on his couch. He knew better, though. Noel never let them just be _ normal_. It had been weeks since they touched each other, too.

Cody’s sitting against one of the arms of the couch, eyes half lidded and his whole body buzzing as he watched the random Black Mirror episode Noel had put on. Noel hadn’t tried anything yet, and he was almost hopeful that nothing would happen, but nothing ever went the way he wanted it to. Some sort of karma from a past life, he guessed. 

Cody’s gaze turned to watch Noel light a second blunt, watching his lips wrap around the tip of it and the flame of the lighter illuminate his face briefly, followed by an exhalation of hazy clouds in front of him. 

“You want more?” Noel asked, and it had almost missed Cody completely, who was all too content to just watch him smoke. 

“Yeah, man.” Cody said and smiled tiredly, reaching over so Noel could pass it to him, raising a brow when Noel only retained his smirk. 

“Come and get it, then.” Noel challenged, shit eating grin perfectly in place while he took another slow drag, exhaling languidly. 

Cody frowned and slumped a bit, but he decided, whatever. Not like Aleena was home to accidentally walk in on them, anyway. It was so easy to go against all of his rules when he was under the influence. 

Cody climbed into Noel’s lap without a second thought, straddling his thighs and plucking the blunt from his hand to take a hit for himself, staring right back at Noel the whole time. 

“So.” Cody started, tilting his head back to let the smoke blow above them. “You think you can just get me high and have your way with me?” He murmured. He was teasing, but there was some seriousness there. Cody was always a bit loose-tongued when he was high. “Gonna have to try a little harder than that, big boy.” He hummed. 

Noel watched on with glossy eyes and leaned back against the couch when Cody began to speak, one of his hands rubbing up and down one of Cody’s thighs methodically. “Yeah? That’s good. It’s usually too easy to get you completely naked, anyway. A challenge would be nice.” He sighed, getting a half hearted slap from the younger man on his shoulder. 

“That’s ‘cause I love you, idiot.” Cody murmured, like it was normal. In a sense, it was. It wasn’t anything new. “Don’t know if I should do that anymore.” He said it quietly, maybe too quiet, letting Noel take the blunt back. 

“What? Love me? Or be so easy with me?” Noel asked. Geez, even with the weed relaxing his whole nervous system, he felt his nerves settle uneasily in his gut. They hadn’t really talked about anything yet, so he wasn’t looking forward to the conversation they were about to have. 

“Both.” Cody murmured and looked at him kind of sadly. “I don’t want to do this again. Hate sneaking around. Lying to Kelsey. She doesn’t deserve any of this.” He mumbled. “Neither does Aleena.” 

Noel was quiet, having stilled at Cody’s response. He couldn’t be more uncomfortable. His silence encouraged Cody to keep going. 

“You don’t care. I know.” Cody sighed. In a moment of weakness, he leaned forward to rest his head down on Noel’s shoulder, the warmth and familiarity of it making his senses fritz, in the most delightful way. “I don’t think you love _ me_. I think you like fucking me. I think you like the idea of having something on the side. I think you think you love me, but I think you just said it out of obligation. You wouldn’t make me go through all of this again if you did.” Cody tapered off, eyes closed as his cheek rested comfortably against Noel’s sturdy shoulder. 

Noel isn’t usually speechless, but he is for a moment. What could he do other than apologize? That was something he’d done thousands of times before, that he knew Cody didn’t want. It wasn’t what they needed, either. He wasn’t sure what that could be, what exactly they needed to make it all better. 

“I hate you sometimes. I hate you with everything I’ve got for making me feel this way. For having _ nothing _ to say to me.” Cody scoffed and pulled away, though he was still seated in his lap. “Wish Aleena would do the same thing to you, leave you and give you the most bullshit excuse you’ve ever heard, and come back when she realizes it’s the best thing she’s ever had. You wouldn’t be so open to it then, now, would you?”

Noel looked conflicted. Still completely silent. 

“Cody…” Noel started, but is promptly cut off by Cody once more.

“Why should I be open to it?” 

The words stung in a special sort of way. Noel swallowed thickly and finally looked away. It was starting to catch up to him, he knew it was inevitable, but he’d sort of been hoping that they could move past it in favor of _ them _. 

“I do love you. I really do.” Noel said finally. He wasn’t lying, it wasn’t forced, it was true. It was complicated, but he’d never lie about something like this. He loved Cody so deeply. “It’s just-“ Noel was obviously struggling to find the right words.

Cody watched him, with no particular emotion showing very clearly on his face, taking another puff from the blunt. The weed really helped him numb away any of the aches in his chest, or the impending sensation that he was going to puke. He was waiting for the excuses to come barreling off Noel’s tongue, as they usually did. He was waiting to rationalize this horrible treatment in his head so he could stay with Noel. It always went that way. 

“Leave her.” Cody said suddenly. “I won’t believe you until you do something other than sit here and make yourself the victim.” He mumbled. “I’m willing to drop everything for you. Everything.” He reiterated softly, poking a finger into Noel’s chest firmly. “If you can't do the same, then we’re done. In every possible way.” 

It hurts to say it, to promise Noel that he wouldn’t even entertain their friendship anymore if he picked Aleena over him. It was probably really shitty to give him such an ultimatum. This was their livelihood, after all, and their friendship had been strong up until this point. Cody couldn’t do it anymore, though. If Noel chose someone else _ again _, Cody would never recover. Kelsey would have to leave him too, there was no way she’d be able to help him pick the pieces back up. 

It was quiet for a long time after that. Cody was getting really tired of being the only one with anything to say. He felt like such a sensitive little bitch, and he was, but Noel didn’t make him feel any better. 

Ending up under Noel was inevitable, even despite how much he hated him right now. The image of himself being bent over the arm of the couch had been swimming in his brain ever since he’d arrived here. 

Cody knew it was ill-advised to still let Noel have his way after expressing such serious sentiments, but he had convinced himself that he needed it. Needed Noel. Noel’s dick was the only thing that made him feel anything other than sadness and pain. 

Noel fucked into him harshly from behind, while Cody whined and squealed like the desperate slut he was. He was glad Noel couldn’t see his face, because Cody wasn’t sure he wanted Noel to see his tears, or the absolute surrender in his expression as he was pressed into the couch. They weren’t necessarily bad, the tears, he just couldn’t get over how incredible he felt, even with the rough treatment. It just made him realize how gone he was, how ruined he was for anyone but Noel.

One of Noel’s hands snaked up to grab a fistful of Cody’s hair, tugging and pulling his head back so he could kiss the soft skin on his jaw and neck, hips slamming firmly against his ass. 

“Look at you,” Noel started, right in Cody’s ear, the younger man not sure he’d be able to hold himself back his load anymore if Noel continued to whisper in his ear like this. “A fuckin’ mess, all for me, huh?” He growled, reaching below them with his free hand to stroke Cody’s cock. “Feels so good you can’t help but cry for me?” Noel murmured. “You’re beautiful when you cry, angel. Love it when it’s all for me.” 

It was beyond fucked. Cody should’ve never answered that text message. He should’ve never let Noel treat him like he was the dirt at the bottom of his shoe, but he couldn’t get enough. He found some sort of sick pleasure in existing just to please Noel. Cody would rather die than to never be under Noel again, receiving the praises and the shaming alike. 

________

**6:43 PM  
**Kelsey:**** _We should talk._

Noel doesn’t usually get texts from Kelsey, like, ever. Hell, he barely talks to her in real life as is. Imagine the doom he feels, ever present in his chest, when she opens like _ that. _

**6:50 PM  
**Kelsey: **** _ He told me everything last night. _

Noel feels like his whole world is coming apart slowly around him. It had been a couple weeks since him and Cody had done anything other than film. It had been absolute radio silence from both of them regarding their questionable relationship, so this was quite a surprise, something he had never expected Cody would have the balls to do. 

**6:56 PM  
**Noel: **** _ I’m sorry_

Noel’s head feels heavy as he buries it in his hands. What the fuck? Cody should’ve warned him, at least. Aleena was in the kitchen, whipping something up for them before bed. As far as Noel knew, she still had no idea about him and Cody. He had wanted it to stay that way. 

**7:00 PM  
**Kelsey:**** _ I know_

**Kelsey:** _ I think I’ve kind of always known _

Noel believes her. Cody sucks at keeping his mouth shut. 

**7:02 PM  
**Kelsey: **** _ I think I accepted it a long time ago. You always come before me, maybe not in any obvious way, but I could tell._

Noel loses track of how long he spends typing and retyping a response. He felt like he was about to have a panic attack over this, sincerely. 

**7:15 PM  
**Noel: **** _ It was never my intention to come between you and him _

**Noel: ** _ It was never supposed to be more than hooking up. I know that’s still pretty shitty. _

Noel took some time to breathe, really breathe, so as to calm himself down and ensure that he wouldn’t go into full-panic mode. He felt like he’d gotten it down to an even pace when Kelsey responded. 

**7:19 PM  
**Kelsey: **** _ Do you love him?_

Noel has to lay back against his and Aleena’s bed when Kelsey poses the question. He knew the answer. Why was it so hard to admit it? All he could think about were all the instances that him and Cody had been in this room, cuddling and talking, as if the world around them wasn’t there. And, he was prompted to say yes. He did. He has for a long time. 

**7:20 PM  
**Noel: **** _ Yes. _

**Noel: ** _ More than anything, honestly. _

It feels strange to type it out and put it into words that way, but it was kind of liberating, as well. Noel hadn’t necessarily come to terms with it yet, so these were the first steps, he supposed. Noel’s nerves were alight again when Kelsey didn’t respond for a little while. He knows she’s probably devastated by this, but the fact that she wasn’t completely chewing him out was a miracle in it of itself. Noel knew he didn’t deserve such kind treatment from the girl who’s life he’d essentially turned upside down. 

It’s after dinner when Kelsey responds again. Noel is laying in bed and Aleena is cuddled into his side, having just settled into sheets. Noel never goes to bed this early, but he likes to at least lay down with Aleena, offer her a warm body to lull her to sleep while he stays up doing whatever on his phone.

**9:30 PM  
**Kelsey: **** _ I’m sorry to do this, but you have to tell Aleena, or I will. _

**Kelsey:** _ Not trying to ruin your life. It just isn’t fair. To any of us. _

Noel left her on Read after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh, cliffhanger....
> 
> I am anticipating there only being maybe one more chapter after this, maybe with a short epilogue type of thing that would serve as chapter 5.
> 
> I hope y'all liked this chapter! Comment and let me know what your thoughts are, leave some kudos!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with it and giving this story a read 💖💖💖💖💖


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